There’s just something about the Ivors.
Neither earnestly booze-free like the Grammys nor commercially-fixated like the BRITs, it’s a ceremony only interested in talent – and somewhere where tell-all tabloid camera lenses aren’t welcome.
The great, the good and the barely-stable of the musical world congregate in the bunker of London’s Grosvenor House each year to celebrate each other, ridicule each other and, in some cases, even threaten to knock each other out. (Here’s looking at you, Jim Kerr.)
This, brought to the boil with a table chock-full of grog, is a guaranteed recipe for excellent quotage.
We’re pleased to report that yesterday’s 61st annual ceremony didn’t disappoint; from moving tributes to surreal talk of trouser snakes, it scaled emotional heights – but was never far from lowering the tone.
Perfect.
Check out the best of what was said from the stage below…
“This is a real honour. At the Ivors last year, the only thing I came away with was broken ribs.
“Thanks to David Holmes for his loving embrace, but it was a little too strong, man. If you want to embrace a songwriter tonight, do it – but, please, do it gently.”
Kobalt-signed Iain Archer, winning with James Bay for Hold Back The River, issues a health and safety warning. (Pictured with BASCA’s Dan Moore.)
“Available only in the last six weeks of the year, [Adele‘s 25] sold 10m copies in America and the UK alone. Jonathan Dickins and Adele made the right choice in leaving 25 off streaming services, because to make the same amount of money as they did from those record sales, it would have had to have been streamed by every human being in the world… twice.”
Host Paul Gambuccini pulls out a shocker of an Adele stat. Something tells us Gambo’s an occasional visitor to MBW.
“Apologies to those of you wanting Simon Cowell, but it would be remiss of me not to say a few words about Wayne.
“I was introduced to Wayne in 1998 by Simon. He and Steve Mac were the real creative force [behind] Westlife, and we went on to sell millions of records around the world. It was clear even then how rare Wayne was.
“His killer instinct for world class melody, coupled with his masterful grasp of words made him very special. Our relationship has endured three decades and over the years you’ve helped our artists sell in excess of 100m records – that’s being conservative – with countless No.1s around the world.
“You’ve gained the love and respect of every artist, songwriter, producer and A&R. And beyond your world-class abilities, you remain the nicest guy in the business.”
“You are a shining example of what is possible for every young British songwriter. You’ve done it all – both here in the UK and in America.
“You’ve gained the love and respect of every artist, songwriter, producer and A&R executive. And beyond your world class ability as a songwriter, you remain the nicest guy in the business.
“You’re a true gentleman, but you still work like you’ve never had a hit before. This is yet another reason why you continue to be one of the most sought-after songwriters in the world. And I know your biggest hits are still to come.
“I’m truly honoured to give you this award. My friend and guardian angel, Wayne Hector.”
Syco boss Sonny Takhar gives a heartfelt tribute to his buddy and go-to pop songwriter, Wayne Hector.
“I want to thank the three women who made me.
“First, the one that literally made me – my mum, who’s over there. The hardest working person I’ve ever known. She taught me that ‘you can have a life or you can have an existence’ – a line I’ve nicked for loads of songs!
“I also want to thank Jackie Davidson, my manager, who I’ve worked with for 25 years. As far as I’m concerned you’ll always be my manager. You’re more than a business partner; you’re my sister.
“Jackie Davidson: You’re more than a business partner; you’re my sister.”
“Finally, thank you to my wife, Jasmine, who makes me very happy – and has inspired a lot of songs!
“I also want to thank my publisher, BMG, and all my past publishers, for their love and support.
“And I want to thank Steve Mac. I met Steve 25 years ago now – I was doing a vocal for him. We got on really well and at the end of the session, we were talking about songwriting.
“We got together and the first thing we wrote became a single. We thought: ‘Well, that’s pretty good. Let’s keep going…'”
Wayne Hector did keep going, and he did alright.
“Please, BBC, don’t relegate all of us to a two-hour slot which you seem to regard as a place to put pond life. Our music is to be used; we write music to communicate.
“Okay, sometimes it’s a little prickly. But some very nice things are prickly… so I’m told.”
Classical music award winner Oliver Knussen pleads with the beeb not to hide contemporary composition.
“I wouldn’t be here at all without a 24-year-old ginger kid who decided to sign me to his record label and put this song out into the world.
“To Ed Sheeran, I am forever grateful – thank you.
“I wouldn’t be here without a 24-year-old ginger kid who decided to sign me.”
“I get messages from all around the world about this song, from people saying how it’s affected them, how it helps them.
“So if it’s okay, I’d like to dedicate this award to them. It’s an honour to sing it.”
Jamie Lawson, who picked up best song musically and lyrically for ‘wasn’t expecting that’. He also thanked manager Tim Smith, Atlantic records, Stuart Camp, CAA‘s Jon Ollier and Sony/ATV.
“In 1988 and 1989, music was really boring. These guys came along and changed it. Suddenly it was okay for DJs to work with bands.”
Creation founder Alan McGee pays simple tribute to baggy legends the Happy Mondays.
“We’ve had a great day, but being from Glasgow… Alan McGee it’s a good job you weren’t on our table when you said nothing was happening in 1989 – I’d have chinned you. I’ll see you in the park in about an hour’s time.”
Jim Kerr of Simple Minds reminds his fellow Glaswegian who was making non-boring music in the late eighties. He was joking. Half joking.
“We know Alan hates these sort of things – we dragged him out here tonight. We might not look like we’re walking around with nine-inch dicks, but we are.”
Shaun Ryder is very proud of his award, getting his manager to the ivors – and what’s in his pants.
“This was released at a very important time for me; a month after it came out, I finally got to experience what it feels like to be an equal citizen in my own country when the Irish people voted ‘yes’ to marriage equality.
“The songs took on a whole new life for me from that moment on. Touring them has been a very cathartic experience.”
Villagers, aka Conor O’Brien, on what his ivor-winning album, Darling Arithmetic, means to him.
“I came across these guys in 1992 – of course, they didn’t return my call for ages. I don’t think I knew what I was getting in to. They got better and better and better.
“They’re bloody difficult at times and it’s impossible to get them to do anything you want them to, but what they do they do so well you don’t really worry about it. Thank you for a fabulous 20 years.”
outgoing polydor records boss Ferdy Unger-Hamilton talks about signing Portishead.
“I’m not going to say thank you because I don’t believe in these things, and Beth doesn’t talk anyway. We’re the perfect band for this kind of event.”
Portishead’s Geoff Barrow tells it how it is.
“This is my last Ivors as Chairman of PRS. [Some in the room shout ‘no!’]… is the right reaction – thank you.”
Guy Fletcher reveals it’s goodnight from him.
“This is about the most handsome award you can receive – and one would think a bit premature for him. But not really – he’s written about two lifetimes of work so far. In 20 years they’ll probably give him another one.
“The first time I saw him he was shouting, ‘I’ve got a social disease!’ in our school assembly as he gave an incredibly energetic, Broadway-quality performance of Gee Officer Krupke! with around 10 other kids who were struggling to wake up.
“To say he stuck out a bit would be an understatement. I thought: ‘This boy’s got some nerve…’
“The first time I met him, he told me I had crap shoes. He hates me telling that story but as we can see, I’ve got my own back today [camera pans onto Damon’s battered pink Converse].
“Second time I met him he asked me, as the only sax player in the school, to play a solo on a song he’d written. It was a good little song, called ‘When You Meet A Beautiful Lady.’
“I was a little in awe at this point; I’d never met anybody who at 13 had the audacity to even attempt to write a song. I was quite sheltered.
“The first time I met damon, he was shouting, ‘I’ve got a social disease!”
“But writing songs has always seemed to come quite naturally to him. That’s not to say he doesn’t make an effort; he has a good work ethic, he’s very disciplined – he doesn’t take it all for granted. I’m not just saying that to reassure the publishers in the room.
“Our friendship and working relationship – this is where it goes a little bit funny – has been a bit like a pot plant. Not a pot plant – you know, a house plant.
“They need to be re-potted from time to time and there’s always a certain amount of anxiety: ‘Will it wither and die?’
“But it never has, I don’t think. Our plant is doing pretty well now, out of its pot and in the garden.
“He has written some of my most favourite songs. And what’s great about that is I’ve got to play on a lot of them.
“His songs, whether hilarious, disturbing or touching, always display a mischief of a mind that isn’t interested in what’s expected, but sees music and the world in general as a challenge; something to process and use.
“Nothing is wasted. There you go – that’s one of yours, isn’t it?
“He is my very talented, horrifyingly honest and ridiculously funny – though he doesn’t always mean to be – best-mate-stroke-big-brother… Damon!”
Graham Coxon wins speech of the day. And got a big bear hug from damon albarn for his troubles.
“It’s going to be random…”
And it was. But did anyone really want straight-laced oratory from Damon Albarn? He mumbled and bumbled with a beer in hand for some time, but then said: “True songwriters are people who are able to release themselves from something that’s really affected them.” Nailed it.
